Wait... YOU'RE getting gay-married too?

As a prospective bride-groom, everything in my world is now seen through the tint of marriage. I can't help it! It's on my mind... at least at the moment. I go through these phases where everything seems to relate directly to me and my upcoming nuptials, then a phase where nothing seems to relate to me and it's a little overwhelming.

If this seems self centered... well... it is.

I wish I could stop it but for right now, I can't. So imagine my shock and utter surprise when I log on to myspace (which I hardly do anymore) only to be greeted by photos of an acquaintance who lives in California's... wait for it... photos of his GAY WEDDING!

I didn't know what to say. A million things ran though my head. Shock. Happiness. Awe. Envy. "Glad to see him settle down," "His husband is cute!" "Oh my gosh, did they really choose that as their bridesmaids dresses?"

Basically, I was at once happy for him and angry as all hell.

Of course, I wish him and his new husband the best. (We're not real friend friends by any means. We went to college together and have not really stayed in touch at all, hence I didn't know he was married until myspace told me.)

But it also deeply troubled me that someone else I knew was gay married before me. I have a few friends who are married or who are going to get married in the upcoming year but they are straight, and although the prospect of being something of a "trailblazer" in my circle of friends was daunting, I was excited.

Now that was taken away from me.

Am I being unreasonable? Of course. But I'm also just saying what I feel. I wish I was the first young person I know to get gay married.

But we do need to stick together after all. There are so few young gay couples out there tying the knot, so I will definitely try to choose the high road and get over myself and befriend them.

(Emphasis on "try".)

The Proposal

I'm only 24. Which I consider still young, yet old enough to be an adult. I sure don't feel like an adult, but as the days and months seem to fly by, I slowly pick up evidence of the fact that I am indeed, well on to my way of becoming an adult.

Friends and cousins are getting married, others are having babies, and unfortunately relatives and older people I know are passing on. It's life. It's what happens. But its very different when it starts to happen to you.

I've had one close friend get married and two are currently engaged and planning to get married in the next year. So I am undeniably at that new frontier in my life where as mid-twenty-somethings, that's what we do.

Except I'm gay.

Not that being gay is bad. Things are certainly easier today, and have changed drastically during my 24 years on Earth. But when it comes to these traditional white-picket-American-Dream style things (marriage, 2.5 kids, etc.) I'm conflicted.I want all those things, but by my very nature, I'm not "traditional." 

Imagine my surprise when my boyfriend, whom I live with and have been together for over 4 years, did the most traditional thing a man could do. He proposed to me last week.

I replied an immediate yes and so happy. I am completly in love with him. And the proposal wasn't a complete surprise. It was something we have seriously talked about. But I was so over the moon that I didn't really have time to think... until now.

Do not get me wrong. I love him and want nothing more then to spend the rest of my life with him. But growing up, getting married wasn't really an option for me. Gay marriage is new. So as a kid, I didn't fantizise about my big fat gay wedding I was going to have. And now as it's becoming an reality thoughts are running through my head... Do I wear white? Does he? What about wedding parties, do we both have best men? and a million others...

Anyone who has seen an episode of Bridezilla knows that getting engaged and planning a wedding is hard, but I think doing all that and being gay I'm realizing is even harder.