Monday, September 15, 2008

Coming Out of the Engagement Closet

After my boyfriend proposed, I had to get on the phone and call my mom and my best friend Celeste.

I called my mom first and told her "I'm going to get married. Kelby asked me tonight, and I said yes."

While I was not 100% surprised that I was asked to get married as I've talked about it before with Kelby, I was surprised at my mother's reaction.

"Oh... that's great."

It wasn't said sarcastically or meant to be rude, and she genuinly meant what she said. But her reaction wasn't jumping up and down and screaming "I'm so happy for you" proceeded by tears of joy. I don't know what I was expecting because my mother isn't a "screamer" but I was extremely disappointed by her lack of enthusiasm.

My parents love Kelby and ask how he's doing often. When they've come to New York to visit it's always a wonderful time with the four of us, so I know it's not the that. My mom said that she "wasn't surprised" that we were going to get married and that she was happy and excited for us.

I mean, we've been together for over 4 years, I guess that's what people do after a long period of time. So it's not really a shocker, but does that explain her underwhelemed reaction?

After my mom, I called my best friend Celeste. The reaction was roughly the same. (Although the next day she called and did a little jumping up and down.)

I was at lunch with another friend, and after I told him and he congratulated me, the topic quickly changed to random happenings in his life and drama at work and not brought up again.

And actually, it was the same with most of my friends. The only people who were overly excited were my peripheral friends, people at work, or friends of friends. These people who I hardly know, would jump up and down and scream "I'm so happy for you" followed by tears of joy.

Has the self-centered "Bridezilla" in me started already? Am I going to be that person who gets upset because no one is acknowledging this major milestone in my life?

I'm constantly telling myself that it's not about people's reaction, that's certainly not why I'm getting married. I'm getting married because I want to spend the rest of my life with this man whom I love. But when I tell people that I'm engaged and I get nothing... I can't help but be bothered by it.

1 comment:

Laura said...

My mum had the same reaction and there's always a niggling little voice asking, "Does she just not care? Or is a gay marriage just not as exciting and worthwhile as a real live heterosexual showdown?" Several friends had a similar reaction. It's hard, but at the end of the day, you're going to be with someone you love and that makes it a whole lot easier.