Saturday, January 17, 2009

Gay Guy's Rant: V Neck Shirts in the Winter

("Gay Guy's Rant" is a new "feature" that I am stealing from my friend Celeste over at The Big Girl Blog as a break away from the topic of engaygment. Thanks Cece... and check her out if you get a chance. She's amazing!)

While I'm not what you may call the most fashion forward person, I definitely like to think I have a sense of style and a general idea of what is going on.

One of the most amazing and weird trends this past year was the deep cut V-neck shirt for men this past summer. It was there the previous summer, but only the daring, fashion risk taking gays who shopped in Chelsea boutiques. It wasn't until they were readily available for gay and metro sexual men en masse at chain stores like Gap, Abercrombie, American Apparel, etc. did the full impact of the Deep V-Neck shirt really attack gay/metrosexual America like a leech.

Now as a fashion trend, I'm not against the "scoop neck" shirt (as I call them) for men. (Full disclosure: I totally own a few.) But as New York City enters a terribly cold spell right now, I find it deeply troubling that so many gay men, choose to still don the scoop neck in the winter.

As of this writing, the temperature outside is 14°F. And I can bet that there are at least 100 gay men in this city wearing a scoop neck paired only with a pea coat and a scarf around their neck that, while it protects their neck, still leaves their stubbly, clipped chest hair exposed to the elements.

Why do people choose on wearing obviously summer items in the winter? Should scoop necks take the same route as white shoes after Labor Day? Definitely. And let me be the first one to officially say so.

Enjoy this diagram I found from the now defunct Radar Magazine showing the options of shirts men now have. (I loved this magazine, I'm so sad it's gone...)

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Please Don't Say That To Me

Is it weird to say that I love gay people?

Is it weirder to say that I also hate them?

I went to my friend Rory’s birthday party. It was at Fusion which I had never been to. Now, it's not like I'm Mr. Social Butterfly, but I was surprised when I walked in because there were so many gay people. Was there a gay bar in New York that I 1) not only haven’t been to, but 2) I haven't at least HEARD of?

After saying hi to Rory and a couple other mutual friends I asked someone there for the party I knew, "is this a gay bar?" They replied, "No. But tonight it is."

So after being validated in my knowledge of Gay New York I was able to just take in the simple pleasure of taking over a bar with your friends,( especially with Rory since I always have such a blast with him, and so many of his friends are amazing!)

As the night went on I ran into many of the amazing friends of his, peripheral friends of mine and friends of friends of friends that I only see at parties like these. One of the peripheral friends I ran into was another gay couple, Cris and Jack.

Cris and Jack have been together just a little under what Kelby and I have been together (I think it’s been around 3ish years for them.) While I am not great friends with them I have always thought about them because they are another young-ish gay couple like myself and Kelby in the City.

As I was talking to Jack, he congratulated Kelby and myself on getting engaged. And right as I was about to say “thank you” he started in on this speech about how he would never do anything like that. He said he feels like gay marriage is a joke and not something gay people should do.” He went on to say he doesn’t think he’ll spend the rest of his life with Cris.

I must have been making a face, because he immediately changed his tone and said, “I mean, I’m happy for you. And if that’s what you want to do, that’s great.”

I was so confused.

On a personal level, here was a guy in a serious relationship, but isn’t into it. He’s just with him to be with him. I mean, yes rent is cheaper, sex is readily available, and companionship is always in style. But why be in a relationship if you’re not happy with that person?

Then, on a bigger, more societal level, why are there so many gay people out there against gay marriage? I mean… I’ve heard all the arguments from gays who are against gay marriage. (Rufus, Elton John) Why would we be a part of something that belongs to straight people? We should make our own traditions, etc…

But I think what confuses me the most is… when I say I’m getting married, why is the first thing some gay people say is “I don’t believe in gay marriage”?

Shouldn’t this be something people say after I leave? Maybe it was just the drinks talking and in a less “celebratory” state, he wouldn’t have said what he said. But it’s been said to me more than once by good, decent, sober people.

And on a slightly related note, sometimes when I tell people “I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years” people will respond by saying, “Oh, my girl/boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up after 4 years.”



I love gay people and all, but I hate them sometimes.

After his party, I told Rory about what Jack said, and Rory said that in the past few months they both have become increasingly distant and that it was a rare occasion to see them out together. While I can’t say for certain, but I do think having something to look forward to in your relationship, something to build upon, something to fight for, something that makes it real, something like marriage, is what gets couples though tough times.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Love not valid until a date TBD.

I was talking with my friend Celeste about my engagement the other day and ended up talking about gay marriage and relationships in general. When prop 8's passage came up she lamented that "those gay people out there who have been together for years, and still don't have any legal protection. That they can't go see their partner in the hospital" etc...

And with her saying that, it highlighted something that I feel like I always knew, but wasn't able to put into words.

Which is that Love between gay people isn't considered valid until they have been together for about 20 years.

And I guess it makes sense. When it comes to a life of commitment, it isn't 2 months, or even the 4 plus years Kelby and I have spent together. A life of commitment is... well a LIFEtime together. But how does anyone prove it without spending 20+ years together to make others know that your love is real? Because Kelby and I's love for each other is just as valid and serious as people who have been together forever... right?

Once when I talked to my mom about getting married, she seemed really unsure. Almost to the point of telling me not to get married to Kelby. But it's tricky. I wonder, does she not like me getting married because I'm gay? Or is she just another mother reacting to the fact that her son is getting married and that in her eyes no one is good enough for her son?

Young people get married all the time, and lots of people question if they will make it (Engaged & Underage anyone?). And no one really knows if anyone will make it until they actually make it. So are my mom's doubts (and societies' doubts about young gay love) valid or is this just par for the course or getting married.

While I can't say which it is, my conversation with Celeste made me realize I can help change that idea with my commitment to Kelby and by getting married young.

I don't know exactly what the future holds for us, but I do know that I love Kelby. And no one can say that it's not valid because it's new.