So, it's August. This September is going to be a year of engagement for Kelby and I and we haven't planned anything!!!
Like I've mentioned before, getting engaged just a couple months before Prop. 8 in California's passing was such a blow to us and put a damper on things.
But now with some water under the bridge, we've been able to kind of start planning and are thinking about what we want to do.
We don't even know if we want a big, old fashioned, "white" wedding or something smaller and maybe more "cream."
We figured starting a list of people we want to invite will be a good place to start. We listed everyone we would love to invite in an ideal world where money was no option and then quickly realized that list was WAY too long. But, it made us start to see who we really want at our side to witness our special day.
So... we still don't have anything planned, but with this very soft guest list, we have like 0.5 things done. And that's a start.
I found this on one of my favorite sites for blank wedding invitations and thought I'd share. Who knew I could maybe use Craigslist to help with my wedding!
A friend of mine showed me this video. Being theatrically inclined I can't help but be a little jealous that they thought of this before I could...
But then I take a step back and think... with all my friends being actors/dancers... we would take it way too seriously and have more than a rehearsal dinner. There would probably be a full week of rehearsals, 10am-6pm, with a choreographer (me) and a final dress (to make sure the choreography doesn't split anyone's tux pants!) and I'll need a stage manager/director.
And when I take a step even further back... isn't my wedding gay enough with me and Kelby there? Do I need to add a musical number?
(actually... maybe one at the reception would be better... hmmm...)
To all you New Yorkers out there... There is an awesome group called Broadway Impact that is planning a rally this Sunday May 17th @ 5:00 on 45th Street and 6th Avenue.
Although I have no idea where the rally-ing is going to take place because there is NO space there at all... But I'm gonna go and be loud and peaceful and try to get gay marriage passed in New York.
Here is some multi-media on the subject! (And that Gavin Creel who is heading it up is such a hottie. He had a small write up in this month's Out. And to top it all off he is so talented!!! Don't tell Kelby, but I totally have a crush...)
Example: I live only a few blocks from water but never see it, I never look to the sky and notice the stars. Of course star gazing in the city is next to impossible with the amount of light produced on every street lamp not to mention the illuminate skyscrapers that seem to light up the sky from the sky. When you look up you see Just black. Nothing.
Looking up to the heavens is also something most grown up people neglect to do. We forget what it's like to look up in to the sky and instead of seeing nothing, see endless possibilities.
I'm in the middle of nowhere West Virgina (which scares me to death) but being in the middle of nowhere I look up to the sky at night and for the first time in a while stars. and for some reason think about Kelby and Our endless possibilities together.
I miss Kelby a lot. I know It's only been a matter of weeks and what's a few weeks apart when we have a lifetime together. but I miss his laugh and waking up next to him.
Having this time apart (and this introspective star gazing moment) has given me an unexpectedly welcome new perspective into the nature of our relationship and this journey of marriage that we are going to take together.
I guess it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And tonight ,since I can see them and he’s not here with me, I’m going to do like I did as a kid, and wish upon a star, (just like Fievel…)
First off, to anyone who reads this blog with any kind of scant regularity, I apologize for dropping off the face of the Earth for the past few months. As you can all guess, life happens and like most things in life, no news is good news.
I got an amazing acting job that has taken me on tour around the Midwest, South, and New England and so my Internet access has not been as regular as when I'm home and I generally end up spending my time talking to Kelby or other friends on the phone. I've been on the road since February. (Which is also a long time to not see my man!)
But I haven't forgot about this blog, in fact I've been writing a few on paper while we're being driven from town to town, so I have a small back log of entries I need to put finger to keyboard and transfer over.
After this, expect more "Gay Man's Rants" and also a couple "Small Town Gay Bar Reviews" since being on the road has allowed me to travel all over! (Who knew Tennessee had such a rockin' gay scene?!)
In the meantime, here is a blog I wrote back in the end of January about an experience I witnessed with a disgruntled state employee.
Oh... the DMV.
Now, just to be sure, everyone has to go to the DMV right? Not just freaks and crazies, but normal everyday people? I mean, I was there. It stands to reason normal people go there to. So... why is it that it seems like only freaks and crazies are there?
I was there yesterday trying to get a New York Drivers Licence (I've been hanging on to my California one for the past 2 years, and decided that it was time to fully commit to being a New Yorker and have the ID to prove it.)
The first odd thing was there is a sort of "screening" line, where you had to stand in one line to get a number, and then you're directed to another line that will actually help you with what you need. Anyway to make a long story short, the woman who was heading the first "screening" line was obviously not having a good day.
The man in front of me was next and she asked him what he was there at the DMV for, so she could direct him to the proper line. He said he was renewing his license. She asked if he'd be taking a new picture. The man joked and said, "No. I don't need a new picture. I'm still pretty."
Now this was an older (not pretty) man, who was just trying to be funny and cheer up this woman who looked obviously haggard and depressed.
She stared at him blankly and said "No. You're not pretty. You're handsome. Woman are pretty and men are handsome. Unless you're a he/she, in which case I will still call you pretty."
The man kinda laughed it off and just left, not knowing what exactly to say, and went to stand in the next line.
I was so irked by what she said.
That kind of thinking, where gender roles and language are so defined, while isn't explicitly hurting anyone, in the end does more damage than good. I was a little mad at myself for not saying anything to her. What could I have said? "Boys can be pretty and girls can be handsome if they want."
I can only imagine the look she would have given me.
("Gay Guy's Rant" is a new "feature" that I am stealing from my friend Celeste over at The Big Girl Blog as a break away from the topic of engaygment. Thanks Cece... and check her out if you get a chance. She's amazing!)
While I'm not what you may call the most fashion forward person, I definitely like to think I have a sense of style and a general idea of what is going on.
One of the most amazing and weird trends this past year was the deep cut V-neck shirt for men this past summer. It was there the previous summer, but only the daring, fashion risk taking gays who shopped in Chelsea boutiques. It wasn't until they were readily available for gay and metro sexual men en masse at chain stores like Gap, Abercrombie, American Apparel, etc. did the full impact of the Deep V-Neck shirt really attack gay/metrosexual America like a leech.
Now as a fashion trend, I'm not against the "scoop neck" shirt (as I call them) for men. (Full disclosure: I totally own a few.) But as New York City enters a terribly cold spell right now, I find it deeply troubling that so many gay men, choose to still don the scoop neck in the winter.
As of this writing, the temperature outside is 14°F. And I can bet that there are at least 100 gay men in this city wearing a scoop neck paired only with a pea coat and a scarf around their neck that, while it protects their neck, still leaves their stubbly, clipped chest hair exposed to the elements.
Why do people choose on wearing obviously summer items in the winter? Should scoop necks take the same route as white shoes after Labor Day? Definitely. And let me be the first one to officially say so.
Enjoy this diagram I found from the now defunct Radar Magazine showing the options of shirts men now have. (I loved this magazine, I'm so sad it's gone...)
I went to my friend Rory’s birthday party. It was at Fusion which I had never been to. Now, it's not like I'm Mr. Social Butterfly, but I was surprised when I walked in because there were so many gay people. Was there a gay bar in New York that I 1) not only haven’t been to, but 2) I haven't at least HEARD of?
After saying hi to Rory and a couple other mutual friends I asked someone there for the party I knew, "is this a gay bar?" They replied, "No. But tonight it is."
So after being validated in my knowledge of Gay New York I was able to just take in the simple pleasure of taking over a bar with your friends,( especially with Rory since I always have such a blast with him, and so many of his friends are amazing!)
As the night went on I ran into many of the amazing friends of his, peripheral friends of mine and friends of friends of friends that I only see at parties like these. One of the peripheral friends I ran into was another gay couple, Cris and Jack.
Cris and Jack have been together just a little under what Kelby and I have been together (I think it’s been around 3ish years for them.) While I am not great friends with them I have always thought about them because they are another young-ish gay couple like myself and Kelby in the City.
As I was talking to Jack, he congratulated Kelby and myself on getting engaged. And right as I was about to say “thank you” he started in on this speech about how he would never do anything like that. He said he feels like gay marriage is a joke and not something gay people should do.” He went on to say he doesn’t think he’ll spend the rest of his life with Cris.
I must have been making a face, because he immediately changed his tone and said, “I mean, I’m happy for you. And if that’s what you want to do, that’s great.”
I was so confused.
On a personal level, here was a guy in a serious relationship, but isn’t into it. He’s just with him to be with him. I mean, yes rent is cheaper, sex is readily available, and companionship is always in style. But why be in a relationship if you’re not happy with that person?
Then, on a bigger, more societal level, why are there so many gay people out there against gay marriage? I mean… I’ve heard all the arguments from gays who are against gay marriage. (Rufus, Elton John) Why would we be a part of something that belongs to straight people? We should make our own traditions, etc…
But I think what confuses me the most is… when I say I’m getting married, why is the first thing some gay people say is “I don’t believe in gay marriage”?
Shouldn’t this be something people say after I leave? Maybe it was just the drinks talking and in a less “celebratory” state, he wouldn’t have said what he said. But it’s been said to me more than once by good, decent, sober people.
And on a slightly related note, sometimes when I tell people “I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years” people will respond by saying, “Oh, my girl/boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up after 4 years.”
I love gay people and all, but I hate them sometimes.
After his party, I told Rory about what Jack said, and Rory said that in the past few months they both have become increasingly distant and that it was a rare occasion to see them out together. While I can’t say for certain, but I do think having something to look forward to in your relationship, something to build upon, something to fight for, something that makes it real, something like marriage, is what gets couples though tough times.
I was talking with my friend Celeste about my engagement the other day and ended up talking about gay marriage and relationships in general. When prop 8's passage came up she lamented that "those gay people out there who have been together for years, and still don't have any legal protection. That they can't go see their partner in the hospital" etc...
And with her saying that, it highlighted something that I feel like I always knew, but wasn't able to put into words.
Which is that Love between gay people isn't considered valid until they have been together for about 20 years.
And I guess it makes sense. When it comes to a life of commitment, it isn't 2 months, or even the 4 plus years Kelby and I have spent together. A life of commitment is... well a LIFEtime together. But how does anyone prove it without spending 20+ years together to make others know that your love is real? Because Kelby and I's love for each other is just as valid and serious as people who have been together forever... right?
Once when I talked to my mom about getting married, she seemed really unsure. Almost to the point of telling me not to get married to Kelby. But it's tricky. I wonder, does she not like me getting married because I'm gay? Or is she just another mother reacting to the fact that her son is getting married and that in her eyes no one is good enough for her son?
Young people get married all the time, and lots of people question if they will make it (Engaged & Underage anyone?). And no one really knows if anyone will make it until they actually make it. So are my mom's doubts (and societies' doubts about young gay love) valid or is this just par for the course or getting married.
While I can't say which it is, my conversation with Celeste made me realize I can help change that idea with my commitment to Kelby and by getting married young.
I don't know exactly what the future holds for us, but I do know that I love Kelby. And no one can say that it's not valid because it's new.