Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Catching the Bouquet

Kelby and I were offered some comp tickets through a friend to see a press performance of a new musical opening here in New York, Romantic Poetry. We were very excited to see it, since we loved the work of the playwright and composer, John Patrick Shanley (Doubt, Moonstruck) and Henry Kreiger (Dreamgirls, Side Show).

And while it wasn't a very good show at all (disappointing really...) something kind of amazing happened during the show.

At one point there is a bride onstage, the scene takes place after her wedding. And at the end of the song, there is a big finish and she throws her bouquet into the audience.

And guess what? I totally caught it.

Actually, it kind of landed with a thud into my lap, I didn't "catch" it. In fact I was terrified because I wasn't expecting to have anything thrown at me. But was so elated that I ended up with it.

I guess that makes me the bride.

Monday, October 27, 2008

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World...

As I watched the season finale of Mad Men tonight, I couldn't help but be moved by the sense of fear that these people living in the early 60's had about Cuba and "the bomb." People were absolutely terrified.

Looking back of course, we know it was silly and that people over reacted, but in the moment, fear like that can't be helped. And of course, the parallels of our fear in a post 9/11 world, only make that sense of fear resonate even more. But it's not the only parallel.

After the episode, I jumped on the computer like I do before I go to bed and I came across this article about Prop 8 in the NYTimes.

Now, I already knew this deep inside, but it is still amazing to me how much Prop 8 is all about fear. Or rather, how fear is being used as a tactic by the people who oppose gay marriage.

And I'm scared too. Just for different reasons.

Prop 8 is big. It's huge. The article says, that in a very real way, California is a trend setter for the country, and in a de facto way, the world. So if Prop 8 is struck down and marriage for everyone is preserved, it's huge. And if it passes... God help us. That is a scary thought that I can't even begin to think about right now.

One of the more frightening items in the article is when it states "one thing [both sides] agree: Polls in every other state that has had a marriage amendment on the ballot have consistently undercounted voters who oppose same-sex marriage by significant percentages."

And while life today is better for gays and lesbians then the life presented for the closeted gays in Mad Men we have a ways to go and this is a major chance to secure rights for our future. I don't want us to lose it. Fear is everywhere right now like it's the new black. It's out of control.

But dispite this overwhellming fear, I remain positive that the right thing will happen come Nov. 4th. It has to, right?

I had no intention of making this blog political. I wanted to be about my wedding, details like Kelby's mom driving me nuts, napkin rings, etc. But like I've said before, by it's very nature my life is political. But no matter the outcome, Kelby and I will get married and live as happily ever after as we can.

(And I don't think the Earth will crumble. That much I'm not scared of.)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Being Bi... (coastal that is)

Kelby and I moved to New York together two years ago this November from California. It's been such an amazing journey together. We had lived together in California for about two years, so living together in NY wasn't a big deal. Getting adjusted to no car, to snow, to the crowds, etc. was the hard part.

We had plenty of friends who already lived in New York which made life much easier. While having each other was very luckily, we had a small network of friends already set up, including my best friend from second grade Celeste.

And over the past two years we've built up an even larger network of friends, and friends of friends, whom we want to include in celebrating our wedding. BUT we also want our family there, and my family and Kelby's family all live in California. And we still have a number of friends who live in California.

So, while we haven't decided on anything official yet, we think we're going to do a bi-coastal wedding.

We'll have a ceremony in California (with or without prop 8) with our family and invite all of our NY friends (not really expecting many to come, since airfare is what it is, and my friends like myself are all poor) and do a small reception. This will be more like a family, intimate celebration. No dancing or crazy favors, just food, cake, and some catching up with relatives you see at funerals and, well... weddings.

Then fly back to NY and have the party part of the reception with all my NY friends (and invite whatever family and California friends who want to come.) We figure this way, everyone can get to be a part of it, without pressuring anyone to buy a plane ticket across the country and a hotel, if they can't afford it.

By doing this, we're also throwing two small parties as opposed to one large one. Which at least in my head is less expensive. We'll see... I have yet to pick up a phone and call anybody about prices... so... I'll have to keep you updated on that.

But now that I have a rough sketch of "plot points" I think we can now start to flesh out the plans, and get working on a date. (Something for Late Summer, Fall-ish next year.)

Friday, October 17, 2008


So, speaking of Facebook, an interesting thing happened the other day online.
A person I am hardly friends with (the younger sister of a friend from elementary school) sent me and a group of others a message on Facebook with the subject line: This is about our future as citizens of the United State of America!!

Being a good citizen, I of course care about the future of my country, so I open it immediately.

"Ok so I never do this. I had to email you because I think this issue is one that will affect us for the rest of our lives. I know I haven't talked to many of you in years [...] whatever the story, it doesn't matter. What matters is what is going to happen if we, as citizens of the United States of America, don't get out and vote on November the 4th"

Instantly I can tell that it's a message that she has copy and pasted from somewhere and is forwarding it to her friends. But am delighted in it's patriotic intentions. I read on:

"It doesn't matter what denomination you are, what religion you are or aren't, what political party you belong to, what matters is what happens if we don't unite to pass Prop 8. Prop 8 is a proposition protecting Marriage saying it is between a man and a woman."

I had to stop and reread that last sentence "between a man and a woman?!" This girl really sent me a message urging people in California to vote Yes on Prop 8 which would take away the right of gay and lesbian people in California to get married?!

The scary truth is, she did send it. The message goes on to talk about this and that, how gay marriage is wrong, how our children will suffer, etc. No need to go into details, we've heard them all before. [Just in case you don't know, recently in California denying gay marriage was ruled unconstitutional by it's Supreme Court. So, since you can't undo that, anti-gay groups are now trying to change to constitution of California itself, so that it defines marriage between a man and a woman, making the ruling void. See No on 8 for more details. (I'm also originally from California, which is how I know this girl, and likely where I would get married since my family is there.)]

To say the message upset me was an understatement. It threw me for a curve. I of course know that there are people out there who don't like the idea of two people of the same sex getting married, I know that.

But now it had a face. It was this friend of mine's little sister. She was saying it. Not some faceless evil people I don't know, but someone who's family I grew up with. It was unsettling. And because I felt that I needed to say something, I did. I couldn't just let that hang out there.
I resisted the urge to hit "reply all" and sent her a private message explaining my opinions and that I think she is entitled to hers, and we can agree to disagree, but to please not include me in any more anti-gay emails.

I did not get a reply from her and I figured the matter was done. Until a person who was included on that email replied all and wrote "I agree."

I agree!??!

Those two words were so scary for me. This person agreed with her. And again, I know there are LOTS of people out there who agree with that, but this is more personal. Then another agreed. And another. One person did stand up for it, but was such a bad writer, I couldn't let them be the sole voice for my side.

I had to chime in. I ended up writing a mini essay (which was not what I wanted to do. I'm sure I came across as one of those angry gays) and I was expecting a fight...

To my surprise no one responded to it. Either I'm the best debater in the world and I won (yeah right!) or they were equally off put (as I was) by my side having a face; an actual person who this proposition would affect. Not faceless couples who they are denying marriage to, but to me. Of course I'll never know, but I wonder what went through that girls head, and the others who responded, when they read my messages.

Monday, October 6, 2008

What NOT to wear...

I don't know what I want... but I know what I don't want.

This seems to be a theme in my life right now.

I have no idea what I want to do as far as a wedding is concerned. When I think about colors or flowers, or even just the simple concept of a reception my head starts to spin at the choices.

I was going though websites the other day and was so overwhelmed by all the options I just closed my laptop. I couldn't take it.

So as if to clear my mind, I went back to my not-so-close friend's gay wedding pictures that I found online. And a funny thing happened. I started making decisions. I suddenly was that much closer to knowing what I wanted.

Mostly because I thought that everything he did was awful.

Just taking one look at his flowers, his tux, his bridesmaids (groomsmaids?) dresses, his colors, even his haircut... I knew that those were things I did NOT want.

Talking to my friend close friend Valarie (who is getting married herself in a few months) about this, she laughed and said the same thing happened to her. Being a girly girl, she had her wedding planned since she was one. She knew exactly what flowers, what colors, what Church, what everything!

Then the minute it became reality, that everything went out the window. She was starting from scratch. And she said it was mostly a result of seeing that it might come true, and realizing that it's completely wrong.

When I saw those photos and put my and Kelby's heads in those tuxes, in front of those flowers next to those bridesmaids dresses, I was horrified.

But the light at the end of the tunnel is that I now have those things checked off my list. While I don't know where the end is, I am that much closer.