I don't know what I want... but I know what I don't want.
This seems to be a theme in my life right now.
I have no idea what I want to do as far as a wedding is concerned. When I think about colors or flowers, or even just the simple concept of a reception my head starts to spin at the choices.
I was going though websites the other day and was so overwhelmed by all the options I just closed my laptop. I couldn't take it.
So as if to clear my mind, I went back to my not-so-close friend's gay wedding pictures that I found online. And a funny thing happened. I started making decisions. I suddenly was that much closer to knowing what I wanted.
Mostly because I thought that everything he did was awful.
Just taking one look at his flowers, his tux, his bridesmaids (groomsmaids?) dresses, his colors, even his haircut... I knew that those were things I did NOT want.
Talking to my friend close friend Valarie (who is getting married herself in a few months) about this, she laughed and said the same thing happened to her. Being a girly girl, she had her wedding planned since she was one. She knew exactly what flowers, what colors, what Church, what everything!
Then the minute it became reality, that everything went out the window. She was starting from scratch. And she said it was mostly a result of seeing that it might come true, and realizing that it's completely wrong.
When I saw those photos and put my and Kelby's heads in those tuxes, in front of those flowers next to those bridesmaids dresses, I was horrified.
But the light at the end of the tunnel is that I now have those things checked off my list. While I don't know where the end is, I am that much closer.