Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Love not valid until a date TBD.


I was talking with my friend Celeste about my engagement the other day and ended up talking about gay marriage and relationships in general. When prop 8's passage came up she lamented that "those gay people out there who have been together for years, and still don't have any legal protection. That they can't go see their partner in the hospital" etc...

And with her saying that, it highlighted something that I feel like I always knew, but wasn't able to put into words.

Which is that Love between gay people isn't considered valid until they have been together for about 20 years.

And I guess it makes sense. When it comes to a life of commitment, it isn't 2 months, or even the 4 plus years Kelby and I have spent together. A life of commitment is... well a LIFEtime together. But how does anyone prove it without spending 20+ years together to make others know that your love is real? Because Kelby and I's love for each other is just as valid and serious as people who have been together forever... right?

Once when I talked to my mom about getting married, she seemed really unsure. Almost to the point of telling me not to get married to Kelby. But it's tricky. I wonder, does she not like me getting married because I'm gay? Or is she just another mother reacting to the fact that her son is getting married and that in her eyes no one is good enough for her son?

Young people get married all the time, and lots of people question if they will make it (Engaged & Underage anyone?). And no one really knows if anyone will make it until they actually make it. So are my mom's doubts (and societies' doubts about young gay love) valid or is this just par for the course or getting married.

While I can't say which it is, my conversation with Celeste made me realize I can help change that idea with my commitment to Kelby and by getting married young.

I don't know exactly what the future holds for us, but I do know that I love Kelby. And no one can say that it's not valid because it's new.

5 comments:

Desaray said...

you really hit the nail on the head with this one. There is definetely something there.

Loaf said...

I get this all the time. When my partner and I got engaged after not being together that long (still not planning to get married until we'd been together 2 years), everyone talked about how we were rushing into things, but no one said boo to my cousin who got married (not engaged, but married) after four months of dating a guy. I think since we don't have the legal aspect, we have to prove through duration that we're serious.

I think more and more young gay folks are getting married now, though, because maybe we got to grow up thinking we deserved this--not that we take it for granted, but that we're less willing to let bigots stand in our way because we're more used to the gay marriage debate as part of the nat'l conversation....

anyway, this is something I think about all the time.

Mariah and Byron Edgington said...

We know how fantastic marriage can be! We're excited that one day anyone who chooses to marry, shall be allowed to marry. Best wishes to you & yours. Check out our website (linked on our blog) for a positive, affirming view of marriage (for everyone).
Caffectionately,
Mariah/Byron

queerJAP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
queerJAP said...

i stumbled upon this post (and your blog) today, and i completely agree with the way "young gay love" is somehow not as real as those couples who have been together forever... very irritating, especially since my girlfriend and i have been together three years and are getting married next summer -- in other words, a totally reasonable amount of time in straight culture but somehow a bit "too soon" since we are gay..